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Homeschooling Mama’s Sure Fire Diet Plan

This may seem a bit new age, or even slightly weird, but it’s okay tho because being homeschoolers, we are used to being called weird. 😉

First, you must let your children play in a huge backyard beach. What? You don’t know what a backyard beach is? Well basically.. you get a ton, literally, of sand dumped in the very back corner of your yard.. pop up a beach umbrella, throw in some sand toys, and voila.. backyard beach. 

Second, you must have a grub worm problem that you really didn’t know you had. Your lawn must basically die off, to only a few patches of what used to be called grass, and more dirt spots than anything else.

Third, one of your two children MUST (this is most essential) have an almost unhealthy fascination with insects. All sorts, not just the cute ones.

Fourth, let children play outside while you clean house.

Fifth, oldest child with fascination with insects (see step 3) comes running inside with a container of not one but TWO healthy grub worms. He must be insistant that they be kept for his bug collection. You explain to said child, that because of the nature of these new found insects, they will basically “rot” and will not be suitable for preservation. 

Sixth, said child must insist that they are at least kept in a glass jar, complete with lid, so that he can witness the decomposition. 

Seventh, you must wait two weeks for grub worms to.. decompose.

Eighth, you must have a younger child, that is most certain that his older sibling hung the moon.

Ninth, decide that school will be held on screen porch on beautiful spring day. After eating lunch, which yours consisted of a nice tomato and spinach sandwich followed by a nice apple, and large glass of sweet tea, start a conversation with youngest sibling. Allow him to “lead” the conversation. 

Tenth, allow youngest sibling to observe decomposing grub worms.. and then he will ask for you to OPEN the container they are in. 

Eleventh, do as child requested.

Twelfth, even if you have very severe allergies, that do not allow you to smell very many things, the wonderful aroma of decomposing grub worms will make its way into your nostrils and up to your brain, and then down to your stomach.. which is now full of apples, tomatoes, and spinach… until your brain tells your stomach that the stench is just unbearable… and well.. then you have to clean up the porch… so there is your exercise. 

And there you have it.. Homeschool Mama’s sure fire diet plan.. must repeat on at least every two day basis in order to be effective.

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